From the heart~~~ Grief 101

by Peggy Sweeney
   Although most adults associate grief with the death of someone loved, this is not the only reason we grieve. It is important to note that grief follows closely behind any traumatic event; a divorce, a life-threatening or debilitating illness or injury, an unpleasant emergency call. The list of grief-generating experiences is endless.
   Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a world-renowned expert in the field of death and dying, is credited with the development of the Five Stages of Grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many people believe that these stages, if followed in succession, will resolve grief. Unfortunately, for those of us who have experienced a loss or emotional trauma, this is not necessarily true. Grief is not just the emotions and feelings we have during or immediately following a loss. Grief has no set time pattern nor does it ever go away completely. It can however be an instrument of learning about love, life, and living. Grief can have a positive or negative impact on our lives. Grief is choices. We can choose to journey through our grief and at the end of our journey emerge a better person for having experienced grief (positive) or we can stuff it within are very being, try to ignore it, and fail to receive its rewards (negative).
   We must also keep in mind that everyone responds to grief differently. No two people will react to a shared grief experience in the same way. Although we may share similar feelings and emotions with other family members, friends, and co-workers, many factors will determine the end result of our personal reactions to trauma and grief; namely, how the loss occurred, our emotional involvement with the person or event, our previous loss experiences, and the lessons we learned as children for coping with emotions and feelings. Please bear in mind that your individual responses to grief are both normal and natural and not a sign of weakness or the inability to carry out your daily responsibilities.
   Grieving is very necessary to heal the mind and spirit. Grief involves the whole person; the physical, mental, emotional as well as the spiritual self. It is not governed by a set of rules that if followed consecutively will erase the grief. In other words, you do not deal with one emotion or feeling and move on to the next. You do not deal with anger or sorrow for a few days and erase it from your list. Rather, you flow back and forth between some of the same—or previously unacknowledged—emotions and feelings until you come to the end of your grief journey. It is important to remember that this individual journey can last many months or even years. The intensity and duration of your individual grieving process is comparative to the loss. In other words, the more emotionally involved you are with the person or event the deeper the emotional trauma and grief.
   In upcoming postings of From the heart, you will learn that grief is very diversified. We will explore the many facets of grief, the reasons that we grieve, our reactions to loss and trauma as well as healing our grief. In the future, we will discuss a wide range of topics and issues that can debilitate the human spirit and prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest. Eventually you should come to the realization that unpleasant events both on the job and in your personal life can and often do have a very negative effect on your emotional health and physical well-being. However, I will offer positive coping skills and resources to help you resolve many of these issues in addition to enriching your lives and enhancing your commitment to your department, your family, and the communities in which you serve. I hope that you will use these articles as a reference to help you cope with your personal grief and loss issues. Please feel free to contact me with comments or suggestions for future articles.

Copyright 2002 Peggy Sweeney. All rights reserved.